108.2

Read the scale this morning. I wish I would have been 107, but I can deal with 108 - gladly at that. I'm tired of being so negative. I'm tired of being surrounded by negativity. It's just makes life soo blehhh.

My ex is trying pretty desperately to get back together. I don't want to. I tell him this. He tells me I don't know what I want. He is wrong.

I feel like everyone does know what they want. I mean, think about it. When you are 3, before you care what anyone thinks of you, you know what you want. You have no problem pointing at something and saying "mine", crying and throwing a tantrum TO GET WHAT YOU WANT. The older you get, the more people you have just sitting there, brain washing you, telling you what you want. I'm fed up with it. I'm sick of people trying to manipulate me and my life by telling me what I want. When, in reality, it's what they want - because is brings some beneficial subsidence to their life. Like I'm some sort of idiot that can see what they're doing. It pains me to know people are so prone to fall into others wishes, into self-destruction. I'm sure if you're reading this that last line would have been adequately labeled ironic. But at least I'm choosing it for myself - no others involved. Anywaysss...

It's about 7pm. And I'm hungry. I have already eaten my sweet tarts for the day. Tea for dinner sounds good. I would have cabbage soup, but I've acquired a very strange fear of real food in the past few days. I am far too scared to eat it at the moment.