Back from the family reunion

I had reached 110 by wednesday morning and then I binged probably two times. I wasn't able to purge - my body hasnt been letting me recently. So needless to say, I was around 114 for the family reunion. I got there and ate. And ate. And ATE. AND ATE. I'm too scared to get on the scale. Scratch that I'm terrified to step on the scale. Scared beyond tears, Scared beyond positive reasoning. My boyfriend wants to see me tonight. And I'm fat. He will notice, I know it. The difference of my small 112lbs waist in comparison to probably a 120 waist is undeniable. I know he has noticed my recent weight loss; unlike everyone else, he likes it. Maybe even as much as I do. He kept telling me how beautiful I was the last time I saw him, how he loved that my legs looked a mile long. How I looked like a Victoria Secret model ( Irony here: Alessandra Ambrosio is my ULTIMATE thinspo - she is 112lbs at 5'9) I loved the feeling of prancing around his room in my underwear, teasing him with my protruding hip bones and my flat stomach. I loved liking my body. I want to be strong, brush off my shoulders, and start over again. Take the challenge on with a senile smile, knowing that I can easily conquer it again and reach 110. Reach 105. Be skinny. Be perfect. Be thin. But my confidence in this is stunned by the fact that I have to show everyone what I lost. Show my boyfriend. Show my coworkers. Show my family. I'm so crushed but absolutely numb at the same time. It's just an indescribable feeling. Or lack of feeling maybe would describe it better? I don't know. All I know is I will be skinny again. To do this I will....
1. Make a spreadsheet tonight of my planned meals for the rest of the week.
2. Walk a minumun of 2.5 miles in the morning and at the end of the day. If I know I will be unable to make the walk at night because of boyfriend obligations, walk the full 5 miles in the morning.
3. When I recieve my paycheck this friday, I will invest in some puma tone up shoes. Always gets me motivated.
4. School will be starting soon so I would like to start a clothing fund for it, taking out of my paychecks until I reach  desirable weight.
I will weigh myself on..... let's say friday. That'll give me time to lose weight so I'll never even know how much I've gained. Some things are just better left unknown (;

I hope everyone is doing okay. Even though I don't know any of you, much talk to any of you, I've missed having someone listen. So thank you all. Very much. It always means a lot. Also, if any of you have tips on good low cal foods, good exercises, or anything it would be much appreciated. Let's all make a strong effort for a good productive week:)