112.4

I reached 112.4 this morning. I'm pretty happy with myself. I really think I will be able to reach 110 by the time I go to the lake for my family reunion this weekend. I think I might set a harder goal to obtain..maybe just any number below 110. That would be quite the achievement. I am, however, pretty worried how I'm going to keep the weight of while I'm there. The last night (Sunday) we have a "pot luck" dinner. Everyone cooks something delicious and we sit down as a family and pig out. Oh, how my family absolutely disgusts me sometimes. Everyone probably eats more than 2000 calories in a sitting. I get goosebumps just thinking about it. My cousin who is the same age as I am will be attached to my hip; it doesn't help that she knows I have eating problems. It would be one thing if she was concerned for me, but it is completely selfishly motivated (isn't it rare that it isn't?). I'll manage. somehow. I think at this point I've made so much progress that I'm willing to give her the good ol' "Fuck YOU". Always seems to do the trick.
Which brings me to my next point, my mother is completely on to me. I was walking to my seat at church and she leaned over to my older sister and told her "Someone besides me needs to tell her she looks anorexic!". Later my sister heard her over talking with my father about an intervention. BHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAH - what a jokeeee. Again, it would be one thing if it was out of concern, but it is selfishly motivated. Though she has never admitted it, I know she struggled with eating problems and, in my opinion, she still does to this day. Her weight yo-yos and boyyy she can call 'em when she sees 'em. Eating disordered people can tell when other people are also eating disordered with much more accuracy than the average person; probably because we know the symptoms. Luckily, the siblings seem to be on my side. They can tell I've lost weight, but they think it's because I've had to stop smoking pot:) I find it funny that last time I weighed this amount, everyone was freaking out saying how disgusting I look. Yet now that I'm older, no one (family wise) has said anything about me looking too thin. which tells me 110 is just average looking. Skinny, not thin. Skinny, not frail. Skinny, not delicate. 105 it is, for sure.
I also got comments from my coworkers. My manager, who is like an uncle to me, told me that I was looking a little thin and that I don't need to "go anorexic" on him. I feel bad honestly. He is one person that I hate letting down. He is always there for me when I need him. Financially, emotionally, EVERYTHING. I mean, that motherfucker would bail me outta jail at 3AM in the morning status. It's completely not a sexual relationship; he really is just like an uncle. So it sucks that I'm going to have to put him through this, but I can't let it go. Before he even said anything to me, another coworker asked if I was on a diet because it looked like I was losing weight. I kinda just don't get it though. Is there really that big of a difference? Why can't I see what they fucking see? It would make things a hellllll of a lot easier on me.

Oh well I suppose. I've always like a challenge:)