Man, it has been a while. I kinda-ish tried to get this habit off my back after watching some raw food documentary. It really made me think of how badly i was treating my body; I mean if eating processed foods is bad, then binging and purging processed food must really take a toll on your body. I know, DUH. But for some reason it really just hit me.
Of course, that didn't last long. It's back, and could give a fuck less whether its good for my body or not - as long as I'm skinny. I got on the scale and needless to say the rest of my day, hell my life, will be spent on making sure I NEVER see that damn number again (127.6). I didn't break down and cry or have any sort of a meltdown, which is extremely out of character for me. I just feel motivated. Determined. Sure, agony is there, but its overcome by something else. I'm tired of feeling sad and pathetic. It must be extremely unattractive to be so weak. Openly, at least. I'm tired of being the person people perceive me to be. This is no longer a mission of receiving perfection through JUST physique. It's a mission to improve myself ALL TOGETHER.
I want be perfect.
I want to be approachable to people.
I want to be my own person.
I want to control my feelings, my passions.
I want putting people before myself to be habitual.
I want to be responsible.
I want to make my parents proud.
I don't want to be sad.
I don't want to be a bitch, no matter the circumstances
I don't want to be judgmental.
I WANT TO BE SKINNY.
I want to stop complaining about what I want, especially when what I want is obtainable.
I will be perfect.
I will be approachable to people.
I will be my own person.
I will control my feelings, my passions.
I will put people before myself, habitually.
I will be responsible.
I will make my parents proud.
I will not be sad.
I will not be a bitch, no matter the circumstances
I will not be judgmental.
I WILL BE SKINNY.
110, here I come :)
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