Oh, it's bad is it? BITE. ME.

This is going to be random but it just popped in my head so I figure why not hah?

I've never had a lot of friends throughout my whole life; I've always had my sister as my best friend acquaintances at school, but other than that - nada. I never really minded, it was normal for me. I always relished time I had by myself. Then I had my first love and of course was with him every second of every day AND night. So naturally when we broke up I felt lonely, like I had to be hanging out with someone at all times because I had accustomed myself to it. I've come to hate that you know. Why couldn't I just hang out by myself and be cool with it? Anyways, I became a bit depressed from it all and over sensitive when people wanted their space from me.
And then relapse overtook me and you know what? Its the best damn thing that has happened to me in a long time. I love time spent alone again. I feel the best when I'm by myself. I do my homework and am more dedicated to personal responsibilities.  The past few weeks I've been so happy with myself. I mean yeah I dont have the best self image, but its not terrible. Sometimes I feel like eating disorders aren't really a bad thing, its just how society has come to make us percieve them. What if we aren't really unhappy in EDs, they've just brainwashed us into thinking we are? I know looking back at the happiest times in my life, my ED was involved, greatly. It doesn't make me feel weak or ashamed of myself. It makes me feel strong and proud. Fuck anyone who tells me differently. I KNOW how it makes me feel, because it's a part of who I am. I can't believe I have let society and all the other little bastards involved try to tell me how it is when they have never experienced it for themselves. To let them try and convince me that it makes me unhappy. My ED is what drives me to look in that mirror and stare at what I have to change, but its others insight on my ED and what they think an ED is that makes me cry at what I see.

Not anymore. I'm not going to cry about it, because that's exactly what society craves - to prove that it causes despair. I'm going to be ME from now on. I'm going to look in that mirror with pride and determination, no matter what stares back at me.