109..

Mmkay...where to start...
I suppose the best part to start at is where the binge started at. Everything was going fine and dandy with the diet as well as me keeping to my restriction. Actually, it was going more than okay. I was finally stepping into restriction without the need to binge and purge, and really enjoying myself and the new adoration I was acquiring. It wasn't long before the owner came in during my shift, whom I am very close with - I would consider him almost an Uncle to me, and we get to talking about life problems. Usually I am more than happy to enclose this information with him, but lately his prying hasn't been anything more than an annoyance. I just want everyone to leave me to make my own decisions. Is that really so much to ask for considering it is MY life? Well, I ended up crying in front of him for goodness sake! I suppose one of the downsides of restriction is that it can really toy with the upkeep pertaining to my emotions. I knew he felt bad for thinking it was his fault, though it really wasn't; I was just frustrated at him, and for me the breaking point of any emotion is tears. I've always been that way. Don't know why but I HATE it. Emotions are such a drag, but making them apparent to others is even more of a drag. So, to cut it short, it ended in him taking me out for sushi. I knew it was the beginning of the end the second the invite came out of his mouth. I tried so man excuses, but he wasn't budging so I ended up caving. I ate. After we were done I chugged some water and headed to the nearest gas station (I know, gross, but I was desperate) to purge. Nothing - I couldn't get anything up. Pissed would be an understatement of how I felt, but I continued on my day with a little retail therapy. And guess what? I WAS A SIZE 0!!!! I even tried on a pair of 00 jeans and they fit. I was so ecstatic. I'll post pictures of all the cute clothing I got a little later if I feel up to it.
But despite how accomplished I felt about my progress, I continued to eat. My trip to Houston for my cousin's baby shower was nothing short of a food mishap disaster. I don't know what it is about family gatherings, but I become a bit of a bingaholic. I felt full the ENTIRE time I was down there. My little sister, whom I absolutely adore, decided to tag along with me. Since we couldn't leave the house and start heading over there until we got off of work around 7pm(and the trip takes about 4 hours), we decided to rent a cheap motel and stay the night there whilst having girly fun. And eating sinfully good pizza which I have never really been a fan of. Strangely enough, it was the best pizza I've had in my ENTIRE life. Hands. Down. Thank the Lord for Domino's and their new garlic crust! Of course, after wards, I proceeded to take a shower and purge. Again, nothing was coming up so I tried the toothbrush trick. Worked like magic. I can't describe the comfort I get from purging sometimes. It's like a second chance. Once out of the shower, I was determined not to ruin the second chance I got. Especially due to the fact they were so hard to come by lately. And I'm sure everyone has realized the pattern I have adapted in this recent chain of events so naturally I failed the very next day. It would probably be easier if I named the things I didn't eat on this trip, but I'll save me the embarrassment as well as you the time. All you need to know is by the time I returned home I was in such a panic I wouldn't even use the bathroom the scale is located in until today. I am relieved that it read 109. It's no 107 by no means, but I'm back on track with another lesson learned and under my belt. I'm sorry I haven't gotten on and blogged but I've been too ashamed to do so until now. My apologizes. As for progress pictures go, I will post some when I get to 105. Which WILL be in the near future. It's the least I owe all you 15 patient darlings:)

110.4, yeyuhh (;

I'm so very glad to be able to say I have once again hit the 110 mark :) Hopefully this time I won't get to be out of the 110 range unless its going under. We will just have to see about that. I feel like it has been perfectly placed in my week too. I work 8:30am-5pm tomorrow and then I have Sunday off, WOO!!! I want to pretty much fast as soon as I get off of work tomorrow for about 24 hours I suppose. I'll need to make a list of the things I need to get done so I will be distracted from screwing up my progress. I remember when 110 was my UGW. It's now 105, maybe even 100, but I doubt I'd be able to get away with that in this house. Then again, I am the one paying the bills since my parents are out of work. So all in all, there isn't much they can do if you really put the situation into perspective; I just hate to disappoint them any further:/ ...

I was going to skip a semester at school and take up a second thought, but thinking on it a bit more I really shouldn't. I'd have the energy for school, but I most certainly would not have enough energy for another job. The only way to muster enough energy up for that would mean upping my daily calories which is NOT going to happen. Soooo, I guess I really need to figure out how I'm going to pay for that, even if it is only one or two classes. I feel that I'd be doing a lot better in school now that I have stopped smoking. I have such a clear head and much more ambition for my academics. I was going to major in something in health, but it would be quite a contradiction. I have such a passion for fashion, but it's just so competitive. I don't know; whatever is meant to happen will happen.

Boyfriend wise, I have finally decided that I'm going to break up with him. Any suggestions on what to say?? I'm terrible at these sorts of things so ANY advice would be greatly appreciated!!