Oh. Gosh.

I don't even know where to start...
I lost my only friend today (other than my sister). I just feel so fucking lost lately. We got in the most ridiculous immature fight. She acts like a 4 year old to get what she wants and throws fits. I can't even start to explain how horrid she has gotten with her treatment of others. Anyways, she threw a fit to get what she wanted the other day, and unlike everyone else I didn't let her have her way. I'm so damn sick of her treating people the way she does and just getting away with it. So she ended up texting me later and bitching me out. So I told her she needs to start treating people better. And she said she was "done with me". I don't really care in all honesty due to the fact she acts like a damn 4 year old, but I was supposed to go to a concert (my first concert) in the next week or so, but since her mother is the ride I suppose that's out of the question. My sister who gets treated like shit by her just stood by and watched instead of helping me out because she has no fucking balls.

I went on my second date with a guy tonight. He is so charming, but a player. It's funny, because I keep telling myself that maybe he isn't. He tried to have sex with me. I ended up just giving him head. I feel so disgusted and used. I knew what he was doing when he was doing it, yet I didn't stick up for myself. He kept saying "you're so small, I love it" which made me want to cry more. Because it just makes me feel more lost. I don't have anyone to talk to. At this point I don't even want anyone to talk to. I just want a shoulder to cry on. I just want someone to tell me it's okay. I want them to say I'm beautiful and mean it. I want someone to say they love me. I want someone to know that I'm still here.


And that I'm sorry.